happy as i am

I've remembered exactly WHY I ended up not completing my previous courses. At work I can follow a structured day, but at home? I have no time management. Anything and everything (including blogging) acts as a distraction.

I should study but...
something on telly
washing machine needs emptying,
house needs hoovering,
sheets need changing,

EVERYTHING distracts me. For one who claims to be a control freak this is very disappointing. The course I am studying is simple enough, yet instead of just getting on and doing, I work it into a hideous three headed monster which must be slayed.

Hubby explained a formula to me 3 different ways, still I was confused. Claiming it made sense to shut him up, when all I was seeing was fuzz and all I was hearing was blah blah blah.

I can do this, but why oh why do I always make it harder for myself?

I'm supposedly finishing this module by this time next week - 3 weeks I gave myself, yet today I have not managed to complete the first question. Oh bugger! And the rest require research and talking to other people. Darn!

I think the schedule I set myself allows for a couple weeks delay, but if only I could find my damned schedule I'd know precisely! Oh well, better get on with it then.

See ya

x

I think it was a French gem, but I'm still not sure. It's directed by the bloke that did Delicatessen - also very surreal and weird, but both enjoyable - i did watch them both in French with English subtitles though.

In other news - a good driving lesson - how scary driving at 60 miles an hour - but what a thrill when i can do it all by myself!

Gym - 3kms

Dinner - spaghetti bolognese

Time now for - sleeping

see you all soon

x

Saturday was fab. Met mum at the station at 10.40am and we gossiped like kids on the train into Brighton. We met up with ma-in-law up town, after being accosted by kids offering religion and their prayers. Honestly, have they nothing better to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon?

I was shopped out pretty quickly, did come away with two lovely jackets, matching trousers etc not found, sadly for me but not for my credit card! Then we went for lunch at BHS. I'd planned to go to a nice restaurant where we could enjoy good cooking and a glass of wine, but was firmly slapped down by the mothers. Oh well, £15 or £40 for lunch? Makes sense I guess.

Mamma Mia was brilliant. It cost £7 a ticket so I'm glad! I'm not even a huge Abba fan but there was enough plot and humour for everyone. There were quite a few families in with young kids and it was good clean entertainment. There were also two older couples behind us, apparently the men folk had said "wake me when it finishes" but they were chortling loudest.

If you haven't seen it already, I do recommend it for a fun couple hours entertainment. That's Christmas wrapped up too as both mothers say they want the DVD for Xmas! Sorted.

After the film we shopped some more, before going to Starbucks for a final coffee before heading homewards. In the meantime, hubby had rung to advise that all the bits of our bathroom arrived without a hitch, just got to collar his old man to get it installed now! And I've to choose floor tiles too.

Got home to the smell of dinner cooking in the oven. Or at least being heated. Hubby had cheated with a couple of ready meals but we don't do it often and it was a nice surprise.

Sunday is still full of promises, the sun shines and the garden is calling me. I hope everyone else is as relaxed as me.

hugs

happy
x

After a reasonably stress free day at work (at least in comparison to the rest of the week) I brought my bucket of green waste home, and planned to veg out. My sister had a job interview this morning so I gave her a quick call to see how it'd gone, then hubby said: oh, i thought we could go out for dinner? As IF I'm gonna say, no, let's stay in and cook!

So, I changed outta my office wear double quick and we went into town. I've been off the wine for a few weeks (since the night I over did it [still to be blogged about]) so at the pub I had a choice between a coke and a bottle of Magners. Hmmm, Friday night - alcohol or soft drink.

How long would it take you to decide? So, hubby has his pint of Guinness and I've my bottle of cider, I think I finished it in about 20 minutes and found myself trying very hard to focus as we walked the 100 yards down the road to Pizza Express.

Once in, I looked at the menu through squiffy eyes, swaying precariously and ordered a big glass of wine and a glass of the finest tap water too. I also ordered... mushrooms in bechamel sauce with doughbread and a chicken pesto pasta dish.

Yum! Absolutely delish AND i got to listen to hubby talking me through the credit crunch, various political debacles and the workings of his office. See, I don't need newsapers with hubby about!

And, following all that I had a CHOCOLATE GLORY - ice cream, choc sauce and choc brownie all in a sundae glass. YUM.

We came home after that and I've spent an enjoyable 2 hours on the net, catching up with some of you's posts. Still got a lot of reading to do!

It's been fun. Tomorrow I shop in Brighton (country mouse goes to town) with a new credit card (Mwah hah hah ha haaaaa!) and the things I have to have include:

ankle boots, a fitted suit jacket with matching skirt and trousers (for work so allowable) some smaller blouses, a funky waistcoat, a funky cardigan (again both for work), some skinnier jeans, a couple of fitted but chunky jumpers, a new bra, or two... some nice work shoes, some funky tights (to wear with new skirt and boots for work) some non smart black trousers, some other smart casual non work trousers - some nice new tops, a new t-shirt for at the gym, some smaller vest tops for under my smaller work blouses. Not much really!

Im sure there's a few other bits and bobs, but suit and shoes aside it'll probably all be from Primark. £100 on suit is reasonable as I'll get a couple years wear out of it. So, if I spend £150 (on stuff I shan't return) I'll be happy.

Does anyone know where I can get a nice matching suit?

ps - did somebody say Credit crunch? #jams fingers in ears# i can't hear you!

to my new job and I'm not certain that I made the wrong decision, but I'm also not certain I made the right one. Leaving my last job was definitely the right time, getting a job with a global company? good move. A job on the phones though? Not so sure.

All the time in my last job (as a team manager after 3 years of working up to it) I insisted I'd never be on the phones again. It seemed like the most logical thing to start at the bottom in a new pool, but now I realise how much of a big pool this little fish is swimming in.

Problem now is I am practically a minnow - but with no opportunity to impress, to show off. It's taking me a lot longer to learn the ropes than I'd hoped. It reminds me of the first 6 months of my old job, where my colleague suddenly found his sales technique and became a manager in under a year whilst I still floundered. I hated that.

Maybe I'm just greedy? I want everything now, but I've to make myself known for the right reasons before I can take on the world. Less than 9 months from now, I'm gonna be sitting on a beach, sipping rum punch in a bikini. Why can't I be satisfied with this?

I see girls: 8, 10, 12 years younger than me, pushing buggys round with their babies. I wonder why? Why am I "sensible" enough to be waiting til we can afford stuff, but I know certainly that I am going to wait until after our luxury holiday and my divine beach body appears, so I can bathe in the luxury of being curvy rather than overweight.

Yes, there is a lot that I'd like handed to me on a platter, immediately. But for those two weeks of triumph? I guess I can put the rest of my aspirations on hold. Until that time though? I'll have to cope. In the mean time I have plenty to get me going - gym three or more times a week, driving lessons and a theory test to pass, a distance learning course from work, oh, and our home to finish decorating...

Cheerio!

How on earth does one find discipline? I signed up for a distance learning course through work, one which I'm supposed to mainly complete in my own time. Theoretically I'm supposed to be beginning week 3, and the second module of study. In reality however I have not even started the first section...

The first section is supposed to be simple and straightforward, but I have only cast a quick glance over it.

After months of wanting to study, suddenly everything is more appealing than actually sitting down and muscling in to it. I know I can easily do it, so why the stumbling block?

Pure laziness. So, I'm afraid I may be missing from blog this next week, (although every time I say that I'm here more than not...) as I've also got 4 weeks til my theory test and a lot of highway code to study still!

Have a wonderful week everyone.

Happy

x

Who knows? I'm sorry to keep harping on. In fact I'm not sorry. That's why I blog, for the release of frustration. And it helps, alot, getting answers from people not immediately in my family/social circle. At the moment I have very little to say about my sister that is nice. Scratch that. Nothing nice to say.

Quite plainly she annoys the whatsits out of me. She is being a total waster. I know she had a few hard months, and I'll never understand what triggered or went through her mind during those months, but that is over. She has been home (still under section I think) for about two months now, but she is becoming a total energy drain.

I used to encourage her to come over because I wanted to see her, or at least thought I did, maybe it was more because I knew she'd say no or cancel? This person who claims to be related to me, that I have seen over the years is just not a very nice person at the moment.

She's making no effort to get a job. She complains she is bored. She expects me to talk for hours to fill her time. She has no concept that anyone else has a life.

Frankly, if I wasn't related to her I'd happily never see her again. The problem is, that she needs the support. Now she is 18 mums council tax has gone up (no single persons discount) and they've changed the band anyway. My sisters medication is increasing her appetite stupidly, but she won't eat anything much except junk.

What I can't understand is how we can share a mother, yet have such different outlooks. She has no understanding or appreciation of cash, budgeting or propelling herself forward. She honestly still expects someone to roll up, knock on the door and offer her a 'dream job'.

Reality check girl! Life doesn't happen like that! But then, maybe I'm just jealous that I was never that self centred and naive. Maybe, just maybe I'd like to be 18 again, probably not to be fair, but she has her whole life ahead of her and all she does is whine.

How do you get through to someone that is totally unprepared to listen?

to report here, i'm well, avoiding time with my sister, and just hanging in there. Hope everyone else is good.

x

I've had a bit of a shock today. Up until today I've been my usual whining self about how I don't have enough money to do this, that or the other. I've complained to hubby at how I've 'only' got £60 til pay day, yet bought an old colleague a £15 gift voucher (she's had a baby). Yet we still eat out once a month, I'm paying £180 a month for driving lessons and have never had to not spend.

Considering there is quite definitely something of tightening of the belts around the country, to be quite honest I have not felt the difference as yet.

However today in a conversation with my mum it dawned on me how lucky I really am. I rarely think twice if I want to buy something, and if my wallets empty there's always hubby to bale me out.

But my mum on the other hand, god, I don't know how she does it. She was gleefully telling me about her wages and how it was really big this last month as she'd done some overtime. Then she said "I've enough to cover the rent and get some food in"

Those words set a chill in me. My ma already lives with the basics, she's never got in debt, doesn't buy frivolous things like magazines and books, rarely buys new clothes, and doesn't really socialise. There's not really many ways that she could practically tighten her purse strings at all. Yet she never complains, she had actually expected me to be happy by her revelation.

The thought of my own mum being unable to support herself horrifies me. To be fair, she only works 32 hours a week, but she's on such a low (to me anyway) wage, and is basically digging into her savings to get by.

I feel so selfish thinking of the things I go without, as they seem like nothing in comparison. Well, they are nothing. What's worse, is that I borrowed some money from mum for my wedding 4 years ago, and I've been paying it back at £30 a month because 'that's all I can afford'. What rubbish! It's going into a savings pot too, which is to be my sisters when she is wise enough to appreciate it, but mum never puts any pressure on me to pay her back quicker, and when I do mention how skint I am she will always offer me money. How mad is that?

I'm gonna have to treat this as a wake up. A real big one. I also need to sit down with my ditsy sister and spell out precisely the cost of living. She just doesn't get it. Mind I guess I never really did, I've been lucky. Mum on the other hand, never got onto the property ladder, has always worked two jobs whilst bringing us up, and has not had the benefit of a reliable OH to support her.

Now she's approaching 60, I don't know how I can help her because I don't have a clue how she will cope on pension when that time comes, and I don't think I could support her. But that sounds sooo awful, she's done sooo much for me.

Am I the most selfish person I know? Possibly. At least now I am aware I can find a way around it. Credit crunch not affecting me? Maybe not immediately but now I know that it will effect me in a roundabout way i'd better get my thinking hat on.

(thinking hat? I haven't heard that since junior school)

Happy
x

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7.30am

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 Or Lord Of The Rings 2, whichever was more recent.

4. What is your favourite TV show?
NCIS

5.What do you usually have for breakfast?
yogurt & muesli or peanut butter toast

6. What is your middle name?
I don't got one thankfully!

7. What food do you dislike?
Okra, Aubergines & crustaceans.

8. What is your favourite CD at moment?
Within Temptation - The End of Everything

9. What kind of car do you drive?
A Suzuki Swift? once a week with my instructor by my side!

10. Favourite sandwich?
Bacon, brie & cranberry, or turkey stuffing & cranberry (aka a Christmas sandwich). Yum!

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Lack of ambition (is that a characteristic?)

12. Favourite item of clothing?
Don't really have one.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
You should all know my answer to this one, but I'd also quite like to go to Paris in the Autumn & skiing in Switzerland.

14. Favourite brand of clothing?
Pri-marke

15. Where would you retire to?
Barbados or maybe Devon

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
Memorable? My 25th, I had a mid life crisis, re-prioritised and within 6 months my priorities were realised (got married and bought a flat).

17. Favourite sport to watch?
None.
18. Furtherest place you are sending this?
Out into the ether of the world wide web!

20. When is your birthday?
2 months and 9 days away.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Neither, I'm a nightmare to get up, and I like to be in bed by 11pm (I'm a bed person given the choice - happily spend the day there with a good book and a slave bringing me drinks and stuff)

22. What is your shoe size?
6 or 7 depending on the shoe.

23. Pets?
does my hubby count?

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
uh-uh.

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
Oh a nurse, to be like my mom.

26. How are you today?
I was hyper but now I'm sleepy.

27. What are your favourite sweets?
I couldn't decide.

28. What is your favourite flower?
Lilys

29.What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
November 14th & May 14th every year.

30. What is your full name?
Wouldn't you like to know!

31. What are you listening to right now?
Hubbies computer game - he's playing Mercs 2 on the X box.

32. What was the last thing you ate?
chicken curry

33. Do you wish on stars?
no, but i like watching them.

34. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
purple

35. How is the weather right now?
no idea, curtains are drawn and I'm cosy indoors.

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
A grumpy asked customer.

37.Favourite soft drink?
Blackcurrant & apple squash

38. Favourite restaurant?
Currently the Mahaan curry house.

39. Real hair colour?
very dark brown, used to be very dark black but seems to get browner as I get older

40. What was your favourite toy as a child?
i don't remember but I've still got a few of my teddies (thanks to mum keeping them)

41. Summer or winter?
Winter - so much more predictable.

42. Hugs or kisses?
Definitely Hugs

43. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Definitely Chocolate

44. Coffee or tea?
Definitely Coffee - i can only drink fruit/herbal teas.

46. When was the last time you cried?
Early yesterday morning, as I wrote my sister post.

47. What is under your bed?
A whole lotta junk, books, clothes, a bar butler, a suitcase, computer games....

48. What did you do last night?
My sister came round, we cooked dinner, watched a naff film and then I sent her home.

49. What are you afraid of ?
Losing my hubby and being ill.

50. Salty or sweet?
Sweet every time.

51. How many keys on your key ring?
Probably 4 but I could be wrong.

52. How many years at your current job?
9 months

53.Favourite day of the week?
Every day, I try not to wish the time by, but my least favourite is probably Tuesday.

54. How many towns have you lived in?
two towns, one large village and a city.

55. Do you make friends easily?
Nope, I'm rubbish at starting conversations and getting to know people.

G'night

x

What a washout! I was hoping for a nice 'Indian Summer' but it doesn't look like this is to be. But work was great. I was really hyper all morning, it might be something to do with the 5 cups of coffee I drank .

Lunch time I was sociable, sat and chatted in the canteen to some lads from work. Back in the office it became more and more clear that the planned team night out was not happening, so I resigned myself to a very dull night.

When I got home hubby reminded me that his new computer game (Mercenaries 2) had arrived, so that's him amused occupied for the foreseeable future. He tries to share the game (or at least what he is doing) with me, and I pretend to look interested. So yeh, I decided I'd go back out in the rain and return my library book. I'm lucky as the library is open til 7.30pm weeknights and contrary to childhood memories this one does have some good books. I can borrow upto 15 can you believe it? I remember being excited moving from Bristol where I could borrow 4 books a time, to Birmingham where I could borrow 8. But FIFTEEN?

So, after grabbing a good selection of books - the latest Dorothy Koomson, (saving £5) two books for my sis on 'my first job', a guide to finding work in the USA and a book about baby stuff (I couldn't resist), I left and headed for Waitrose.

Hubby had given me a £10 note to get a Euro lotto & lotto ticket (and possibly chip shop chips) but I decided he could buy me a new glossy magazine instead. That reminds me I still haven't told him that he bought it. Ooops. Never mind. There is some change he can have from the tenner.

We watched Hogfather after I'd cooked a curry for dinner, the second part so I can return the film, I'm still loving my film subscription it's one of the best things I've done! He is now back on the X-Box and I am having some blog time.

Bed soon. I've gotta hope that the curry doesnt repeat too much as the Dr seems to think my insane pain is indigestion. Tomorrow is obviously the weekend teaser, followed by the opticians (I think I've torn one of my contact lenses) for a follow up, followed by lots of baking. We're going to a housewarming in the evening so that should be good. And according to the Top Sante information on alcohol units I am a binge drinker. Well, I never thought I was, but apparently a 250ml glass is 3+units, and as I have a habit of drinking a bottle and a half with this friend, it's easily gonna be my weeks units in one night.

Sunday, no plans, but relaxation sounds good.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. and thanks for your support with the sister.

Happy

x

Ps - I also got another New business referral at work , that makes 26 this year (and the most on my little department) when my target is like 5. I just need some of them to sign up and I'm laughing - we get £60 + a days holiday if they join us, but the lead:new start ratio is pretty low.

1. What was the name of the first Roman Emperor.
No Idea

2. In which part of the body are red blood cells made.
Pass

3. What is the largest mountain in Africa.
Kilimanjaro

4. Who is Captain of Blogship Lollipop.
La Spice?

5. Where is Nelsons Column.
London and Bridgetown at National Heros Square, Barbados

6. What are Bonsai.
Miniature trees

7. What is a baby Kangaroo called.
A Joey

8. Who runs the blogships boutique.
No idea

9. In which Ocean is Christmas Island.
Pacific?

10. Who is President of New Zealand.
Haven't the foggiest

11. What blogger makes the best cocktails on board ship.
No idea, sorry, don't think I'm winning this one.

12. Is the Tropic of Capricorn north or south of the equator.
North?

13. What is a Samoi.
Like a Saveloy? A type of sausage?

14. What year did the Titanic hit an iceburg.
Nineteen something!

15. Who painted the Sistine Chapel.
Michaelangelo

Yup, you guessed it. I've just had another driving lesson. I'm now 21.5hrs in and feeling a lot more confident than 21.5 (driving) hours ago. So far I've done left/right turns, emergency stops, parallel parking, reversing round a corner, turning in the road, right at traffic lights and still not dinged the car.

I did have a near miss with a squirrel though! The squirrel won thankfully.

But it is weird how quickly my perception has changed from that of a pedestrian (dang cars and drivers) to that of a driver (pesky pedestrians) and how easy it is to become complacent in either position. The number of people who take unneccessary risks to cross a road, or expect the other person to automatically give way.

Oh well, I'm back to being a pesky pedestrian for the next week, and I'm no closer to passing my test before Christmas. I'm thinking I was a tad wishful in the past, I'd love to be able to pass before our holiday in May, that'd mean that I'd have some spare cash after the holiday towards a car.

Now, next question - petrol aside, how much does it cost to run a small car per month? I'm looking at a small car, preferably with 4/5 doors (handy for loading babies in/out) probably second or third hand, and diesel if possible. I'm aware insurance is going to be a big cost, obviously on top of the initial car outlay, and because of where I live, a parking permit is gonna cost about £150 a year, but what else does it take?

I know there's road tax and MOT, and petrol. Will I need breakdown cover? Is 3rd party fire & theft enough or should I try for fully comprehensive insurance? It's all a minefield to me. I don't have a clue where to start.

Saying that, I've still a theory and practical test to get through before I even need worry about these things.

It was fun though, and the list of things/places I want to do/visit once we have a car is growing daily. Hubby did all these holidays/visits to places I've only ever been through on the train, and I'm aware that I've a lot of cultural catching up to do.

One of the things we are both keen to do, might take a while, is a road trip across the US - coast to coast if possible, but hubby is like I was, still a bit resistant to actually starting. I think that's the worst bit to be fair. You build it up and up and up. It's not as bad as all that.

Well, I've rambled on long enough. I hope my pizza arrives soon, I'm hungry.

take care all

Happy
x