happy as i am

Hey all,
Thanks for the advice about the sis, I think that's gonna be an ongoing saga. Apparently this boy has been out of a relationship less than two weeks, and I couldn't persuade the sis to postpone the meeting, however at last speak they had yet to book a room. I've asked my ma to leave the latch off their front door, just in case she does decide to go home tonight.

Other than that though, my sister has been a welcome distraction, if not at the best of times. I've been feeling miserable this weekend, since the gym Friday night actually. Yesterday I went shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding, and made the mistake of looking at my near naked body in a full length mirror.

Not a pretty sight I can tell you . I didn't realise just how unsightly my body is. And that has given me a bit of a shock. Knowing I'm overweight is fine, but actually seeing myself... sadly I have been comfort eating to make up from the shock which I know does me no favours however hubby has been so sweet, he says he loves my curves. I've kept crying at him. Even if I lose a stone I think I'm gonna have excess sagging skin which makes me wanna be ill.

I don't even know if my week at this fit farm will really shift enough weight to make a difference. I know it is a start but I am so weak willed. Oh, eugh. basically. My self esteem is at an all time low, I feel repulsive. I've been for several longish walks though, along the seafront, at low tide and again as it was coming back in. It's so pretty.

I'm really gonna struggle with going to the gym, but I guess it'll have pretty dramatic results. I'm gonna go measure myself. Might even post my dimensions. Then again. But anyway, I'll be able to see just how ickky I am.

x

I was really good last night, packed my gym and swim stuff before I went to bed. Trying to psyche myself up all day I kept making everyone else talk about the gym. It came round to 4.30pm and I was starting to try and back down, but at 5pm I left work and legged it before I could change my mind...

I didn't leave the gym til 6.45pm! So far I don't ache. I did everything on my exercise plan but got a bit bored part way through. I took my MP3 player, but gave up listening to it as the music in the gym was far too loud, and was drowning out my tunes.

So, I'm gonna take a break tomorrow and hope to swim on Sunday. Hubby reckons I can manage to manage to keep doing the gym twice a week and a swim. He obviously has more faith in me than I. If I can manage it I might not need the fit farm... YEAH RIGHT!

This is the 4th gym membership I've had in the last 8 years (if you can count a 6 week free trial at David Lloyds?) and I haven't managed to keep regular, even in preparation for my own wedding 4 years ago.

On the upside though, the scales at the gym had me down at 82 kilos, and that was fully dressed and in trainers. I like them! On the other hand, this means I have to work harder to get my weight down. I'm gonna go to my mums at some point over the weekend, coz she has the only scales I regularly weigh in on, so I'll be able to give you a true figure. I've topped the scales at 13st 5 which was the point when both my asthma and back started to play up. Over the last 8 years I've been down as low as 12st 10, but I'm hoping to get myself to a trim and tidy 12st 7 if I can this year, and maybe, eventually, perhaps to 12 stone.

I don't know how I'll look if I make it down that far, as ever since I started cooking my own dinners I have been on the larger side, but I do have broad shoulders which I blame for some of my weight. Hubby has forbidden me from over dieting/exercising as I have always been curvy and he doesn't want that to change.

On the down side though, I left the gym and wondered past my local off licence, picked up a packet of frozen burgers, some french sticks, a big bag of kettle chips and a huge dairy milk. I was craving salt and then I saw the choccy bar whilst queuing. Yes, I know I'm weak willed.

Anyway, we had chip buttys with the burgers (which were actually pretty crappy) for tea. Then we finished my dark chocolate easter egg (only a 3rd left between two of us). I think for me, the whole point of getting this extra exercise is that IF I do choose to eat junk (as I often do) then I have a chance to counter it with a work out, and hopefully gradually change my habits. I do eat a lot less chocolate than in my previous job, I'd get a box of cookies to celebrate, commiserate or just because it was Friday, and share them with my team. It didn't feel so greedy if everyone else had them!!!!!

So, yes, this is turning into an exercise/healthiness blog, but I promise that won't be all. Besides, tomorrow me and hubby are going to our friends and I intend to drain at least 1 bottle of wine!

Happy weekend everyone!

x

I actually went to the gym! I surprised myself today by going, but when I got home from work I was looking forward to going back out. However, when I got to the leisure centre early I had to sit and wait, and I had such huge butterflies that I thought I'd take off!

So, when I met Orlando I had mixed feelings. Very, Very glad that he wasn't some kid just outta sports college, but disappointed that he wasn't the slightest bit attractive. Muscular, yes. But not attractive. He was a short (I'm talking my height and that's never more than 5ft4) and wiry (but muscular) Italian man in his 40's I guess. With braces, and I'm not talking about the ones you wear on trousers!

So, anyway. Went down to the gym area expecting to be weighed, told my BMI and asked what I wanted to achieve. Didn't get any of that. Straight into a demo of each of the machines and a chance for me to try them out. My plan was already part written, and the weights were put in as we walked round. It was depressing to see how weak I have become. Still, it felt good to be exercising again.

I've worked out that if I use the gym and swimming pool 6 times a month I'll be quids in, but he was talking about me going 3-4 times a week! That seems like wishful thinking all around. On the up side, the gym didn't seem so tacky as I remembered, and the lads from work that have joined Fit4 are only planning to use the pool where I will be, and the gyms at their local centre. Thank goodness.

Not sure I'm ready to step up to the classes yet, maybe I'll try Aquarobics as the music sounded pretty good. Well, I said I'd go back tomorrow evening, and as the pa-in-law is coming back again maybe I will go out. I'm gonna try my entire work out and see how that pans out, time wise and at least my aches will be suffered at the weekend! I must weigh myself though if I go back, the thing that worries me is knowing that muscle is heavier and I'll probably end up more toned but no lighter. Good job I never pay attention to that rubbish BMI thing!

Anyway, I got home at 7pm and made a 'healthier' dinner - more veg and less salt. I got hubby to season the meat as he tends to make it spicier than I do. My lips burnt a bit, but spices are good right?

Tired now. Wanna get an early night, but I might treat myself to a long and hot soak after I've caught up on your posts.

Take care all

x

ps - I even had a half glass of wine to cut back on calories there!

I finally bottled up the courage to go to the gym and find out what the delay was in signing me up. Didn't they want my money I wondered. To be fair I had had about 5 missed calls from a local number which I can only surmise was the gym.

Anyway, I got down there at 1.30pm and got shown round which took far too long. Why didn't I say: actually I just wanna sign up?
Who knows, I was unable to make eye contact with the bloky talking at me coz a)he was dull and b)his diamante earrings kept distracting me. Finally he sat down with a form, ran through a spiel and asked if I wanted to join. As if I'd sat through all that just as a way to stay outta the rain on my lunch break? WHAT!!! So, then it took a while to fill more forms and by the end of it I had to jog/walk back to work. Scraped in on time. JUST.

So, the long shot is that I'm £29 poorer (hubby is paying joining fee) and I have to motivate myself to go twice a week now. This IS the 3rd time I'll have been a member of a gym, hopefully 3rd time lucky and I'll lose some weight.

Anyway, I have an induction tomorrow with a chap called Orlando. Dread to think what he'll be like. More news as it happens from the gym. Please keep your fingers crossed that I make it past 8 visits in one month!

My stomach is screaming so I'd better go cook.

Cheerio

Last week at work was quite slow, seems like most businesses wind down at every opportunity they can. But I'm kinda hoping that today will be a fairly busy day as the time will go nice and quickly.

I feel like I've been off forever and it has been so relaxing, I'm even planning ahead to the next Bank Holiday weekend, a luxury I couldn't have done in my old job as they would only start deciding the shift pattern about 2 weeks beforehand!

Really good evening last night. I didn't have doughballs, tried the stuffed pepper instead which was so yummy. Then i tried to have chicken pasta, they'd run out. My second choice was a chicken pizza, no surprise to hear they were out of that too! So I settled for the lasagne after all. It was good as always, but not quite as scrummy as I remembered. Hubby had a Diavolo pizza which had jalapenos and two types of pepper on. I tried a teensy tiny bite of the rosquito peppers and was left with a very burnt mouth! Needless to say, his pizza was far too hot for me!

I had dessert and he had a coffee. The pudding was again, nice but not wonderful after all. So I was a bit disappointed, however the staff were so friendly, and chatting to the hubby out of the usual setting made for a lovely evening.

Walking back home we stopped in a less lit area to gaze up at the stars. It was so clear you could see lots of constellations. We saw the Plough and several we didn't know. Closer to home we stopped again and found Orion who we always look out for. That made us both chuckle and then it reminded us how small and insignificant our lives are in the grand scale of things. I made promises to myself and he said some beautiful things.

And the house was cold so we dove into bed with the heating up full and read til it was time to sleep.

Well, have a fab day all. I intend to!

x

So, today has been alright. I've bought myself some shorts, scoped a pair of walking boots, seen my mum and had a snooze. Tonight hubby is taking me out for dinner - Pizza Express - without me even having to ask. BONUS! In fact I should be getting ready now.

For dinner I will most probably be having garlic dough balls, lasagne, a bottle of wine and a yummy dessert. That's assuming they are open today! Yum Yum.

Tomorrow I am back to work, it will be nice to get out the house, and also to have a reason to get dressed. The pa-inlaw will hopefully be by to fix some new coving to our walls and then we can FINALLY begin to rewallaper our sitting room and get back to normal!!!

Oh, yes - better go wash my hair and get dressed for dinner.

Have a great evening y'all

x

Sleeping late, nice(ish) weather and no work. Hmmm. I think I can cope today! I've gotta find a pretty dress for a wedding in a coupla weeks, and get this, hubby has even decided he will come shopping with me! Or at least take a walk to the shops so I have company part way.

Pa-in-law is busy today so no decorating will be done but we are gonna get an Argos catalogue to see what lovely furniture we can afford - our built to size bookshelves were a wee bit too long and have bowed, and one set of CD shelves was knackered from the damp. It will be so nice when we have our sitting room back to ourselves, although I must admit, this futon has held up well for sitting on considering it is about 8 years old now!

The list of things I officially need for fitweek is not huge, just expensive, but the extra bits and bobs are gonna run the tally up - I need a couple of sports bras or maybe 3? Don't really wanna be washing them each night after a hard days sweat... I'm also gonna need a washbag of some sort, unless my ma has something I can cadge off her. All the usual washbag qualifiers and a repeat prescription on my puffers.

Then there's the £50 train ticket. I've yet to work out the route my train takes to get to the back of beyond. Still, it will be an adventure - ooh must make sure I have enough batteries for my camera. Hopefully by the end of each day I will have a little energy to go for short walks by myself whilst I'm in the countryside.

Anyway, gotta wash my teeth and go write a list.

Have a good day all.
x

A little bit closer to ME time

Yippee. I can't wait, must check if they have internet access so I can keep you's all updated on how much I ache. Otherwise I'm gonna have to make copious notes and update you all on my return (after the joyous reunion with the hubby of course).

In case you are interested, this is where I'll be going and you can check out how busy I will be by looking at the sample week and the rabbit food I'll be eating is in the menu page too. I haven't looked at the menu as I can't be planning the minutiae of my life so far in advance!

Gotta go cook dinner although Dominoes is beckoning me too...

x

Oh my goodness, I am stuffed. We went to lunch at the ma-in-laws today and I ate a humungous roast dinner and about 4 helpings of dessert too. I had one of my cousin-in-laws little boys sat next to me, so I was cutting his food up and loading his plate. Then his brother wanted a refill every second time I filled the first brothers plate.

For some reason these darling boys are scared shitless of hubbys brother (probably as he doesn't come to many family meals and they just don't know him), so when he materialised they practically burst into tears. So I had oldest twin on my lap as I ate (20 minutes after everyone else who had just fed themselves had finished) and carried on eating.

My hubby did try to take him from me, but I had the lap of choice, and it surprised me just how comfortable I was eating with a kid on my lap. I thought back to nearly 18 years ago, when I watched my mum feeding my kid sister, and then I got to try it too. That practice has evidently stood me in good stead as I was able to cut up turkey and potatoes whilst also feeding him bits from my plate.

Good lord, 18 years since my sister was born. Wherever did the time go? I rang up to speak to my ma today, and had a quick chat with my sis. She asked me to do her a favour and I said I'd see (she normally wants me to go shopping with her at odd times) but no. This was a good'un: Tammy, she says, I'm going out tonight, and I don't wanna walk back home alone.
So, there's me ready to say yes, i can transfer some cash into your bank account for a taxi... but no, what she actually said made me laugh out loud...

Can you meet me in town later and walk me home?

See, I know I am a soft touch and all, but I was absolutely flabbergasted. So, maybe it was a bit mean to laugh at her outright but I really couldn't help it. She then proceeded to ask me (only 12 years older) what she should wear out - as if I know what is fashionable - and then what the lighting was like in the particular bar she was going to. The lighting? I mean, fine, I know she is new to going to pubs, drinking and all, but what an odd question. As if I paid the slightest attention to the lighting last time I was there!!!

So, now I have advised her to take enough cash for a taxi and where she needs to get a taxi from. The only problem is that I will probably worry about her all night now, just in case something happens, she really is naive, maybe I shoulda asked mum to call me when she gets in... but then, if mum forgets I'll worry more. Hmmm

Well, I had a very long bath (sorry if that's too much info) and then got myself dressed in a hurry. It was 7.45 when I actually left the house and I practically ran into town! I was on time though. Went to the cash point across the road from the pub and restaurant to get some money and ended up chasing my tenner down the road. It was quite comical. And that's about as funny as my evening was.

I crossed over to go into Wetherspoons (which is a dive here in Worthing) but got stopped by three words from the bouncer
"Got any ID?"
Shock horror, I was so embarrassed.
"I'm 28"
I spat out in horror, only for the boy bouncer to say
"I'm checking everyone's ID"

So I walked away. Pissed off, and glad that I only had 5 minutes until everyone left the pub to go to the restaurant next door. In case you are wondering; no, I didn't have ID and I'm not 28. I'm gonna be thirty this year and I stopped carrying ID when I was 23! Now, from time to time in Brighton I get asked, but I look at the bouncer and go "yeh right, what? I'm 28, I'm married for gods sake!" and they take another look and let me in. Fine, Brighton, Saturday night whatever. But bloody Worthing on a Thursday night? Please!

So, anyway, spotted friends colleagues leaving the bar, who were equally incredulous that I'd been ID'd and walked up to the restaurant with them. Then discovered that outta two tables one was full. Luckily the free table had the people I wanted to sit with anyway, but it wasnt a great night. Food was reasonable but the service was slow. Restaurant was huge and busy, but the people on tables behind us seemed to think Party Poppers are hilarious and little bursts of those kept going off!

I musta seemed really antisocial, didn't talk much, just listened, but that's just me. The poor lad sat next to me did his best to make conversation but I am rubbish at small talk. Anyway, after the meal I decided to go home rather than face being ID'd again. Everyone going onwards was pretty wasted anyway and I had a longing to see the hubby.

So, going out was a waste really, as I will still wonder what they got up to, but I guess at least I went, so I don't yet have a rep as someone who doesnt turn up!!!!

So, the weather is nice right now, gotta get dressed and go out before it turns nasty. Enjoy the long weekend folks, wherever you are...

x

I am supposed to be going for a chinese tonight with a whole load of people from work, and when i missed the last one (had only been there 3 weeks) I promised myself I would definitely go. Now the day has arisen, I know I will probably have fun, I know hubby will enjoy the peace and quiet, but I don't really know if I can be arsed with it.

Is that bad? I will probably feel left out next week when everyone is on about their shenanigans but I'm always on the outside looking in anyway. I know the obvious answer is go, so don't y'all be nagging me, but still, right now I wanna curl up in bed. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have eaten the whole Easter egg this afternoon, I think its just the comedown.

What the hell, its only 3 hours of my whole life. I'll regret not going more than going and I can leave if I get bored or still feel miserable after a few glasses of wine. Must start beautifying myself, if only I could do my makeup like how it was in my photos. Dang!

This weekend has lots going on for me. Tomorrow I have decorating tomorrow, a sit with S, a quick dash round the shops too.. Saturday a family meal, must get flowers to take for the ma-in-law. Sunday? I have no idea as the shops are closed aren't they? Hmmm, maybe I should spend some time with my own ma Sunday? And Monday, more decorating, spring clean and maybe a pub lunch somewhere along the way.

It's a bank holiday weekend everyone! My first in employment ever where I haven't had to think about working! Yippeeee!

Have fun

x

My countdown to my ME time begins here!

This is the time I hope to arrive at Tiverton Parkway train station, ready to be picked up and taken to the Fitfarm. My whole week away is an adventure waiting to happen. I am going to really heartily throw myself into doing all the exercises and fingers crossed the food will agree with me, but I will mingle if it kills me, and I will learn how to treat my body with the respect it deserves!

Have a good day all...

Tammy
x

Sunday night television viewing being as naff as it is, I slung on my wedding video for a bit of entertainment. I was so naive when we got married but it was still an amazing day. We did lots of things on the cheap and I can tell when watching the video. We bought ourselves a camcorder and asked a friend to film for us. He picked the camera up the day before the wedding and to be honest did a wonderful job, but looking back (or if I could have the day again) there are so many things I would know to do better that the wedding books just don't (or didn't) emphasise, so here's a few tips for anyone planning a wedding any time soon...

These are not in any particular order mind..
1) Practice walking, dancing and sitting in your wedding dress, veil and shoes - I spent the whole wedding meal faffing with my veil on camera
2) Discuss with the photographer/videographer what group photos you want and show him who the important people are first
3) Do not hire the cheapest photographer you can find unless you are damn sure he is good - I had a semi retired chap and he was so bossy to everyone.
4) Do look at friends' wedding photos to see what styles you want - lots of my friends have b&w pics, fun snaps, formal and informal poses. Mine were all formal and (too my mind) dull.
5) have a walk thru if possible with all the key players - when the registrar asked who was giving me away my mum turned round, pointed at my uncle and said "he is" even though it was a rhetorical question.
6) check what your DJ thinks is 'good' music and agree the first few songs. Robbie Williams straight after my first dance sent everyone running to the bar.
7) practise any speechs before doing them - I didn't make notes and I cringe when I hear my speech.
8) If you have a buffet; order food for less people than you intend to invite - some won't turn up, others will have eaten and you will end up with lots of wasted food.
9) arrange for someone to take your flowers if you are having them dried/pressed/kept.
10) don't take instructions from anyone who is not you or your fiance, it's your big day after all!

I'm sure there are more but I can't think right now.

Post wedding, be prepared for EVERYONE to ask 'how is married life?' as though your relationship has evolved over night, and for people you barely know to think its acceptable to say 'when are you starting a family then?' as if it's there bloody business. My response to both questions was to turn it around and ask how their relationships were and when we could expect them to have kids.

Anyhoow, nearly bed time so better go wash the dishes and wash my hair.

G'night
x

Yesterday I did my volunteer stuff straigh after work, then nipped home to quickly feed and change, before heading to a friends for a few drinks. It was a really good evening, we polished off a bottle of wine each and then some and gossiped whilst the lads played on the PS3.

We walked home which I think helped and fell into bed at half past midnight. i think I went out like a lamp. Woke a couple times in the night and drank half a pint of water each time, but in the morning, sadly, I had a fuzzy head. It didn't seem bad first thing, but I refrained from taking painkillers for something so minor. It wasn't til we got into town that my stomach started to churn and my headache decides to rear up and stab my head! Yikes. Then in Waitrose I discovered an intolerance for fresh baked bread smells and had to rush to the loo.

Luckily for me, I wasn't ill in a public toilet (the germs, eugh) but when I got home I did then take two nurofen and head straight back to my pit for another hour of kip.

Why is it that as you get older your alcohol tolerance gets worse and the pain gets worse? It's really not fair. Oh well, that will teach me to binge drink I guess! Or not...

Enjoy your weekend everyone

x

Check this out: for a smile and a chuckle....

No really, why is todays weather pissing me off so much? Rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun, rain, sun?

Come ON. One or the other Purleeease. It's strange how I've felt so cheerful since starting this job with perfect hours and I now have a social life, but today the old moody miseable me has resurfaced and I can't quite shake her.

She should just pee off too. I need to keep her buried so I can move on with life. So much to be happy for so must try and stay this way. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggghhh. Such a good start turned sour.

This mornings rain appears to be clearing up, I can see blue sky and fluffy white clouds. Yippee . I have taken today and tomorrow off work so I can have a lovely long weekend, and surprisingly or not I am still laying abed. I was supposed to be in the swimming pool at 8.30am but nevermind. Meeting my ma today so will probably do a couple miles walking round the shops!

The weekend gone was an amazing one. Started Friday night at the pub straight from work. Two bottles of Bulmers later I was ready to tackle the world. Got home and read my emails and realised I was totally pissed. Oddly enough I got up before 7am on both Saturday and Sunday morning even though I usually have to be dragged out of my pit for a work day at 8am. Saturday I did the majority of the housework including the dishes that were sitting since Thursday on the countertop! Eugh I know but sometimes its gotta be done!

We had a wander round the shops and ambled home along the beach. I went to do my volunteer stint and had a great time, then came home and baked a coffee sponge cake. So, then we made a chicken and potato pie which was yummy, watched The A-Team, then NCIS, then Knocked Up which turned out to be too long and not that funny.

Sunday, early start, had to ice the cake which took far too long, but it looked good and I got to lick clean the empty icing bowl! Such childish pleasure. Then we had a fry up and relaxed for an hour or so.

Walked to the train station to find that the trains weren't running (oops!) so we had to get a taxi to the cousins house. Thankfully only one stop down the line. Worked out good though as we woulda had to pay £2 each for a single train ticket to get on a rail replacement bus and the taxi worked out at £6.

It also meant that after a most gorgeous lunch - roasted mini chickens, mash, roasties and lots of pudding, hubby and me walked the 2.5 miles home along the seafront in 50 minutes, enjoying the chill breeze and the beautiful sunshine. Wonderful weekend and two more days off. What more can I ask for?