I think I jinxed myself with yesterdays' post. Today has basically been a 'non' day. One of those days where I just wanna crawl away and hide, but I know I can't hide from myself. I tried though, stayed in bed until nearly 10am. I've logged on about 5 times today, to blog my cares away, but each time I've stopped myself or deleted before posting. Blogging right now doesn't seem quite as therapeutic as it once did. It's almost become a chore even though it once felt so right. Maybe this is my time to take a hiatus from blogland and see how I cope without you all holding my hands and supporting me. We'll see.

I was being truthful when I said that everything is going well at work, as well as can be expected for someone starting in a totally new business can be expected. I just feel unsettled. In truth I don't know what I want anymore. I think I wind myself up more than I should. No, I know this is true. I don't wanna go back to work. I can't deal with being less than competent. I hate it. I can't cope with being new. I know this is silly, but it just, see, I can't even get the words out to competently explain. It's just a cloud hanging over me.

I wish things didn't change, but at the same time I know its unrealistic. My house is part of the problem. No matter how much work we do it just seems to need more time and money thrown at it. The damp has visibly spread into an area not covered by our quote. We can't afford to do the whole house at once, but I just want it finished.

Me, me me. God. How damn selfish am I? My poor hubby gets stuck listening to the same shit on a different day. I love him so much.

I don't know what's wrong. I just don't know. Life has been good of late, maybe I've come to expect too much? Mayhaps I just need a slap?

Maybe I should just watch a soppy/sad film so I can get on and let my tears out in one big go. I am so mixed up. Why can't I just be happy with things as they are?

I know that you will all be lovely and loving, as you are, and I thank you for your support and love over the last 9 months. Maybe I'll find my mojo tomorrow and delete this post. Maybe I'll take a break from the laptop. Either way, if I'm not back (very unlikely) I wish you all well in all you do.

Happy
x